There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself. How sad.

I brought the birdcages to the windows.
I opened the windows, and opened the birdcages.
I poured the fish down the drain.
I took the dogs and cats downstairs and removed their collars.
I released the insects onto the street.
And the reptiles.
And the mice.
I told them. Go.
All of you.
Go.
And they went.
And they didn't come back.

Excerpt from the chapter "My Feelings" in Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

It hurts. To wait. To believe. To let both go.